Up in the Air

It’s been a crazy few months.  I saw the end of a long relationship.  The beginning of something new that was intense and amazing.  But also incredibly difficult for various reasons…including just under 1000 miles between the two of us.  I began making plans for my Escape from LA, but the desire to see more and more of Jeanne, was making my savings goals difficult.  I know I overdid things financially in October…and even then spent more than I would have liked in Nov.  I knew I needed to refocus and come up with a better plan in order to keep on schedule to move to Portland (See post linked above).

Reading between the lines, I’m sure you can guess that something has happened with that relationship though.  Its all still a little too fresh to write well about.  But instead of talking about marriage we’re now talking about how/if we can still be friends.

So here I am, unexpectedly at my parents house for Thanksgiving.  I feel out of sorts.  I don’t know where my life is going, as the path I was on a week ago seems like its ending.  I do know I’ve got a lot of doubt about things though.  I feel a little disconnected.  Can I still plan on moving to Portland, when its not to continue the process of building a life with her?  What does it mean for me in LA?  Certain things were much easier with the promise of her. 

I decided I’m going to seek out some therapy when I get home from this trip.  I think having someone non-partial to talk to about the stuff swirling around in my head well be good.  I don’t want things to spiral deeper into depression and let that cause issues with other parts of my life.  Its already affected my eating habits (I haven’t had much of an appetite for awhile…and its only been worse this past week).

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