Tag: marriage


“There were things Jacob wanted, and he wanted them from Julia. but the possibility of sharing desires diminished as her need to hear them increased. It was the same for her. They loved each other’s company, and would always choose it over either aloneness or the company of anyone else, but the more comfort they found together, the more life they shared, the more estranged they became from their inner lives.”

-From Here I Am by Jonathan Safran Foer

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2016/desires/

one month after

On Thursday, it’ll be a month since A left. It would still be another week before she officially said she was done with our marriage, but when she left on the night of April 26th it was already over. So where am I in this journey a month into it?

I can honestly say, I’m doing ok now. The initial shock and anger has waned. As I’ve said over multiple posts, I am still grieving the loss of the companionship, plans, and dreams we had; however I’m no longer grieving the loss of her. Really the most frustrating part of this process is that she seems unwilling to participate in it. I guess it makes sense though, she made a decision to cut and run from our problems, why should completing our divorce separation be any different? In the end its only going to make the divorce cost us both more money and emotional energy. For someone who wants out so bad, it seems like an odd way to handle things.

As for me, I continue to work on the things I was already working on before the events of the past two months surfaced. I’m continuing to see a counselor to work my way through the feelings resulting from the collapse of my marriage. I’m at a point now however, that I’ll finally be able to work with him for some of the reasons I originally chose him. I’m working on figuring out ways to improve my career opportunities and financial stability (one of the things my counselor specializes in). I’m continuing to work on improving my general health as well. As I re-learn planning and cooking for one, I’m trying to be conscious of what I’m eating (and how much). With the month of reduced appetite due to the relationship stress, my body has gotten used to smaller portion sizes, and that’s not a bad thing.

I’m looking forward to what life has in store for me after all this is done. There is still a lot of work to do to get there and it’s still stressful. I’m going to come out of this a better person though. I have faith that when the time is right, I will find a new partner and it will be even more amazing because of the things I’ve learned from this relationship (both the good and bad). One question people have asked me recently is “Do you regret marrying A?” Despite how everything turned out, I do not. Based what I knew then, I have no regrets and would do it again with the same information. I loved her with my whole heart and I still do have love for her. I really do wish the best for her. Yes, she broke my heart. Yes, she left without even trying to make things work. But I loved her until the end. I will cherish the memories we had together. My marriage has made me a better person and it will make my next marriage or partnership all the better as a result.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2016/one-month-after/

Sketch 50

The year winds down, and so do the activities.  A couple of my friends left town for the holidays over the weekend.  So a few less partners in crime are around.  I’ve also been trying to be frugal in my spending to compensate for the unpaid week next week (gotta love temp work).

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about where I am in life.  How many of my friends, who are younger than me, seem to be much further along in life.  They’ve got good jobs that they love or graduate degrees.  They’ve got homes. Are married.  Heck, some are even divorced (not that it is a good thing).  But even then, they’ve experience marriage and the love that drove them to it in the first place.

It all seems so far away to me.

Its hard being 32 and not really having anything figured out.

I’m leaving for Oregon Friday, right after work.  It’ll be nice to be home for the week.  Catch up with some friends and family.  I’m taking two days to drive up, planning on stopping somewhere around Sacramento late Friday night and finishing up the drive on Saturday.  Saturday night is the annual Santa Pub Crawl in Eugene.  It’ll be a cold crawl this year as the temps are predicted to be below freezing, with possible snow showers.  No matter how cold it is, it’ll be a nice welcome home.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2008/sketch-50/

Sketch 48

Ahh…the holiday season is now in full force.  My second Thanksgiving in LA.  This time I did have a meal a little closer to my families traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  I got a ham (just over 8 pounds), and made a couple recipes from my friend Nicole’s blog (Pinch My Salt).  Extra Creamy Mashed Potatoes (Recipe) and one mentioned on Nicole’s site, but actually from one of her food blogging friends, Stuffed Sweet Potatoes Wrapped in Proscutto (Recipe).  The food was all good, though I did end up having a lot of extra food.  One of my friends ended up being sick, so he wasn’t able to come over.  So it was just me and one other friend.  Oh well, I’ve turned the leftover ham into two soups so far, and have plans for a third soup for the last of the ham.  The Proscutto wrapped sweet potatoes were really good, as the saltiness of the proscutto really complented the sweetness of the potatoes.

I did unfortuntely miss out on going to the LA Auto Show.  I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to go with (well except for my friend who got sick).  So largely the extra long weekend was pretty lazy.  Lots of watching football, including a great Civil War victory by the Ducks, which likely will keep the Beavers out of the Rose Bowl.

I found out last Wednesday, that one of my best friends from Eugene is getting married, and pretty quickly as well, the wedding is at the end of December.  Monday night, he called and asked if I would perform the ceremony, so I fired up the internets and got ordained at http://themonastery.org/.  So this Dec 27th, I will perform my first marriage.  Wow.  Crazy.  It will be cool to be such an integral part of a special day in my friends life.

Tonight, I’ll be bottling my first batch of beer brewed in LA.  In a little over a week it’ll be carbonated and ready to drink.  I’d like to invest in a keg system sometime soon…bottling is such a pain.  Someday.

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Special Comment: Gay Marriage is a question of love

(read text of the comment here)

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From the West LA Prop 8 Protests:

***This is not me…just a repost from elsewhere (since that wasn’t clear to everyone)***

Posted by panasonicyouth on Buzznet:

My experience at the ‘Reverse Prop 8’ Rally in West Los Angeles yesterday

afternoon, I attended the rally outside the Mormon temple on Santa
Monica Blvd and Overland, in order to protest the Mormon church’s
involvement in helping to pass Proposition 8 here in California. My
co-worker, Richard Flores, biked with me from the Buzznet office in
Hollywood to the rally in West LA.

In the interest of avoiding
any legal implications (since I do not have or have not seen a lawyer),
I am not going to describe the events leading up to my arrest.  Please watch the arrest video for that; I think it speaks for itself. I think it is more important to describe what happened afterwards.

Read the rest on Buzznet

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2008/from-the-west-la-prop-8-protests/

Shame on You California

I’m reposting this post from LAist by Jimmy Bramlett:

No on 8
Protesting the passage of Proposition 8. AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian

Shame on you Californians.

With the passing of Proposition 8, you have relegated me and my queer brothers and sisters (and everything in between) to the margins of society while reaping all the benefits we bestow upon you.

In one fell swoop you told us that we are not fit in your eyes as deserving the same rights as you. Even though we wouldn’t have gotten the same Federal rights thanks to Clinton’s signing of the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, you could have allowed us to take one step closer to that ever elusive goal of equality.

The campaign supporting Proposition 8 bemoaned the sanctity of marriage. How is marriage sacred anymore with divorce rates being what they are? It’s pretty unnerving that it is you heterosexuals who have made a mockery of marriage jumping in and out of it like last year’s cashmere sweater set. And now you are claiming that we will destroy the institution of marriage?

And the children. Oh God THE CHILDREN! Well never mind the Catholic Church has done more to harm children what with their priests and all. And the Mormons? Well just ask those teenage brides.

Do you really believe that children learning about gay people will convert them into card-carrying depraved homosexuals? If that were true all of my cousins would be gay. Hell, all of my neighbor’s kids would be gay.

In the end you chose to impose your beliefs on me. You think it’s wrong that I have relationships with other men, so you chose to exclude me. But to keep up appearances you let us have “domestic partnerships” that sound more like a maid’s union more than anything else.

We’re not asking for all that much. All we’re asking for is the right to be able to have the same rights when we decide to share our lives with that special person. We’re not demanding the Catholic church, the Mormon church, the Synagogues, the local preacher to marry us. We just want equal rights, not that other water fountain.

So as happy as I was Tuesday night that America has voted in the first black man as President, part of me is very disappointed that us queers are still not afforded the same rights as everyone else as proscribed by the Constitution.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2008/shame-on-you-california/

Prop 8 Challenges

The first legal challenge to Prop 8 will be announced later today:

Here’s the first press release of the morning regarding the passage
of Proposition 8, the ban on same sex marriages in California. It comes
from the law offices of Gloria Allred:

Attorney Gloria Allred and her clients, Robin Tyler and Diane Olson,
will hold a news conference today November 5, 2008 at 12:00 noon at
6300 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 1500 L.A. to announce a new lawsuit against
Prop. 8. Prop. 8 intended to ban same gender marriages in California.

Ms. Allred and her law firm represented the couple in their victory
before the California Supreme Court. Her clients became the first to
marry in Los Angeles County in June.

Ms. Allred will file the new lawsuit today with the California
Supreme Court on behalf of the couple.  The new lawsuit will contain a
new and controversial legal argument as to why Prop. 8 is

Copies of the lawsuit will be provided to the press at the news conference.

More info from the LA Times

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2008/prop-8-challenges/


This makes me incredibly sad.  It even passed in LA County.  I cannot believe we are writing discrimination into the state constitution (along with Arizona and Florida in this election cycle).  I just cannot understand how two people who love each other threaten your “marriage.”  For me, these kind of laws and amendments do more to destroy the sanctity of marriage than anything else.  It makes me ashamed to be a Christian and even remotely be associated with this kind of discrimination (as the majority of the funding for Prop 8 came from the Catholic and Mormon churches).  I cannot imagine a God (or Jesus) not embracing us all…Black, White, Hispanic and yes, gay or straight.  So yes, while I’m extremely hopeful with the election of Barack Obama as President, I’m extremely disappointed about the results of Prop 8.  I for one will be praying that this can be changed soon.

prop 8.PNG

Permanent link to this article: https://www.rhinoblues.com/thoughts/2008/despair/

Hey Mr. IRS Man…

More news on the Prop 8 front…

Prop 8 LetterPerhaps its time to look into the political activism of the Mormon Church here in Southern California.  This post on LAist, talks about a letter received by blogger John Remy at Mind on Fire.  He states that the only reason he got the letter is because he is still on the official ward roster (though he’s trying to get removed).  In another post, he talks about what he’s hearing from friends around Orange County about the issue:

“From what my friends in Orange County wards tell me, this campaign is being reinforced every week in leadership councils as well as in Sacrament, Sunday School and Priesthood and Relief Society meetings. It sounds like similar pressure is being applied to members of Catholic and many evangelical communities as well (I’m mostly familiar with the LDS situation-if you have any information on other denominations, please let me know).”

You would think that this is a much more blatant case of political posturing from the pulpit, than the anti-war sermon preached at All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena.  Perhaps its time to do some investigations into at least this Orange County LDS Ward.

So where are you now Mr. IRS Man? (or Woman)

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