the hardest part (at the moment)

Today I went to my attorney’s office and reviewed and signed the paperwork. That signature was harder than I thought it would be. This is really happening now. I know it is the right thing. I wouldn’t go back even if A knocked on my door and said she’d made a mistake. “Yes, you did make a mistake,” I’d say before closing the door. Officially filing the divorce papers makes it real though.

The hardest part of this process has been how quickly it happened. On April 25, while I knew we had some serious things to attempt to work through, I was still happy with our relationship (outside of those serious things). By April 27th, she was not only gone from the house, but no longer speaking to me. How it went from something where we talked pretty much every day for the past eight years, to her not speaking to me at all (unless absolutely necessary). Its those moments I’d rush to share with her that I’m no longer allowed to do. I also still care for her despite all the pain and heartache she’s caused. I want to know that she’s doing ok. I assume since she was the one who decided to leave and who already had someone else’s arms to fall into, that she is doing ok. But I can only assume…I can’t know anymore.

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