I think I need to spend some time sitting (reading) with Richard Rohr.
Graciously stolen from this post by Gareth Higgins: How are We Present to Reality?
A remarkable thought from Richard Rohr, which, if I read it thoughtfully enough, I think might get me through the day:
“Somewhere each day we have to fall in love, with someone, something, some moment, event, phrase, animal, or person. And it must be done quite definitively! Somehow each day we must allow a softening of our heart, which usually moves toward hardness and separation without our even knowing it. We can now prove neurologically that it is easier to move toward cynicism, bitterness, fear and despair than it is toward goodness, beauty, or appreciation. All spirituality is intended to help us recognize and counter our downward spiral toward smallness.
The world often tries to conjure up life by making itself falsely excited, by creating parties, even when there is no actual reason to celebrate. I have often noted in poor countries how people create fiestas because they have survived another season or even another day. We create fiestas to create fiestas, which I guess is not all bad; but after a while the ungirding of joy and contentment is not there. We have to create and discover the parties of the heart, the place where we know we can enjoy what is, and that we have indeed survived and even flourished another day of our one and only life. Just make sure you are somewhere, and always, definitively in love! Then you’ll see rightly, because only when we are in love can we accept the mystery that almost everything is.”
An interesting thought indeed. It seems somewhat appropriate for me in relation to my recent spiritual struggles. Living in a place like Los Angeles can be quite the beast. Its a tough place to find your niche. At least for me it is. I’ve been here just over two years now and still haven’t found my “community.” Sure there are a handful of acquaintances and even a few friends, but for whatever reason it just hasn’t gelled into a community for me. Perhaps the comparison to my community in Portland gets in the way of this. Perhaps the struggles of my first nine months working here and what that did to my confidence in myself…to my self-esteem…is sub-consciously hindering me in my relationships. I don’t really know for sure. I know my internal life has struggled and I’m sure it has affected my external presence.
In reality, things aren’t that bad. I’ve got a job that pays well enough for a level of financial security I haven’t really had since leaving my parents house. I’ve found love that is amazing and surprising in so many ways. I just sometimes need to remind myself of that.